I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
