i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
