You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
we should paint friendship bongs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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