So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize