You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
