Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm too high and old for this...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
