what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
