you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
