Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
