omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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