Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
