Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
