remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
