Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
