Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dicks are not precious.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
