I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
