I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
