Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
