I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
