found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
