So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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