I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
