he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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