ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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