I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
