He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
