Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
