This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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