Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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