the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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