I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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