The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
