he wants to bone in the snuggie
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
