I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
