Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
