I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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