i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize