I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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