just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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