I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
