You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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