I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
