Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
