My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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