she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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