I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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