Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
