She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
