I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
