So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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