Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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