I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
