Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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