My room smells like vodka and shame
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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