mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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