I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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