Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
