just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
