i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
