Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if only i could text you this smell
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
