Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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