dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
