if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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