babies were throwing up all over the place
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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