think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
