...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
