so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
