I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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