they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
