jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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