I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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