I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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