I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
