Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
