someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
