coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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