party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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