saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
